Divorce Advice #1: Create Space before Reacting

Pause a moment. Take a deep breath. Let it go.

Shake it off.

Chill.

No, really, take a moment.

Trusted advisors and friends offered the best divorce advice in the early days of severing myself from my husband.

My favorite piece of advice, however, comes from a quote attributed to Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Growth and freedom—now this sounds serious and makes me lean in.

Our response matters.

Back when emotions ran rampant and angry words were exchanged—and lawyers and a judge decided fates—I had to learn to create space before reacting.

Then I got to apply this concept in divorce court. The opposing team’s lawyer asked questions requiring yes or no answers. I would begin with, “No, but…” or  “Yes, and….” I was quickly silenced. My “in addition tos” and “furthermores” were struck from the record. I bit my tongue to hold in the words. Surprisingly, it didn’t kill me.

We are at our best when we allow space before reacting.

Taking a short break before giving a response might have been the best advice I’ve ever received: Take a deep breath. Run around the block. Grap a coffee.

One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand—listen for the still, small voice as you count seconds.

God has a way of working in quiet spaces.

Divorce Advice #2: Clear Space for God to Dwell

To see green pastures and still waters, we must clear space for God in our chaotic worlds.

Mary allowed space for Jesus in her busy day. In turn, she saw life from His perspective.

Permit me to embellish the biblical account a bit: Mary ordered a Starbucks drink and was given permission to have a seat, to savor it—away from housework, away from others needing her attention, away from the heavy burdens of life, away from noise—which enabled her to devote her attention to what mattered.

I envision Jesus handing her His lenses and saying, “Have a look.” Maybe she saw green pastures and still waters. Whatever she saw, it was different from what Martha saw. Mary devoted her attention to Jesus; she understood that His “yoke [was] easy, and [His] burden [was] light” (Matthew 11:30). Her work could wait.

The idea of taking pause now and again is a delightful one.

Stop. Rest. Clear space. Devote. Thanks, Mary, for this lesson. (Luke 10:38–42).

How can you clear space for God to dwell? Schedule a time in your calendar for prayer, complete with a reminder alert. If you want to read prayers for strength during divorce, start here. Perhaps, clearing space for God is as simple as getting back on track with weekly church attendance. Here’s a hack I use for daily Bible reading: I place my Bible on my pillow. At bedtime, either I pause to read it or I move it aside. The point is: keep what’s important to you close-at-hand.

I would love to know your hacks for clearing space for God in your busy day.

Resources and Links

Grab a copy of my book Hello New Life here.

For Bible reading plans I love, find them online at She Reads Truth or click here.

For books on healing: Check out my Pinterest board.