Forgive and Forget

To forgive and forget is difficult, but it’s necessary and an important aspect of moving forward.

I’ll be straight up; I don’t like doing things I’m told I have to do. It started when I was a toddler. My mother’s words still echo: “Eat everything on your plate.” I sat for hours staring at my plate, eating one pea at a time, gagging, then begging for pardon. My life got better, however, when I found the metal rails under our table with plenty of space to fit my peas, beets, and Brussel sprouts. As a grown woman, there are still things I still don’t like to do. Often it’s those daily tasks that cause the most resistance, such as: 

·    cooking 

·    putting the dishes in the dishwasher 

·    hanging up my clothes at the end of the day 

·    forgiving 

That last word is a big word to throw into the mix. Even as I type it, I feel resistance—it doesn’t belong here. Delete, delete, delete. I remove each letter one at a time. But what I’d seen on the page could not be unseen—so, back it went.

Forgiveness is indeed a daily task. Jesus said we must forgive four hundred and ninety times per day—I did the math—that’s 20 times in one hour! Although a bit exaggerated, the point is forgiveness should roll off our tongue. (See Matthew 18:21-22.)

1.  Practice the One-Minute Rule  

Gretchen Rubin’s one-minute rule has revolutionized my life for those daily tasks that clutter my life. If a task takes one minute or less, Rubin recommends doing it without delay. In one minute of tidying up before bed, the clothes are hung. In just one minute, the glasses are emptied out of the dishwasher. In just ten more of these one-minute stints, the kitchen is semi-clean. 

I approach forgiveness in the same manner, often and in short bursts. First, I offer up a prayer: God, I give this to You AGAIN. (I know I know, I gave this to You once before, but I took it right back.) Then, I revisit a quote, a story, or an illustration to remind me how to let it go once again.

2. Stop Carrying Your Hurts

I must be intentional about letting go of hurts and old baggage. I especially like an illustration found in How to Forgive When You Can’t Forget. It’s a story about laying down offenses, and it reflects my heart for I carried a heavy load for too long. Here it is: 

Two monks were traveling together and came to a muddy road where they met a beautiful young lady. She was disheartened by having to walk through the mud. She asked if they could help her to the other side. Both monks looked at one another astonished; they knew they were not allowed to touch a woman. The first monk scooped her up and carried her across. The second monk was quite disturbed by this. Once across, the monk set her down. 

The two monks continued their journey in silence. When they arrived at their destination, the second monk decided to have it out with the other. He reminded him that as monks they were not permitted to touch women. The first monk retorted, “Are you still carrying that young girl? I put her down at the other side of the road, but you have carried her all this way.”

Boom! There it is: When you stop carrying hurts, you lighten the load. Don’t weigh yourself down. Forgive. 

3. Forget to Remember the Offense

In the days to come, forget to remember the offense. Along with forgiving 490 times per day, practice forgetting to remember 20 times in one hour, too. Train your mind to stop remembering by “straining forward to what lies ahead.” (See Philippians 3:13.) In this manner, you forgive, forget and move forward. 

In one minute or less, I’ve stopped carrying the hurt, and I’m back on track to a clutter-free mind.

Resources and Links

Grab a copy of my book Hello New Life here.

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