Christian Resources: Books on Healing from Divorce
After my divorce, I became a voracious reader. I scoured the internet for books on healing—not only books on how to heal from divorce but books on human triumph of any kind. It is Kaitlin Roig-DeBellis who so graciously says in Choosing Hope, “Pain is pain and sadness is sadness and loss is loss and we are all connected in this.”
This quote reminds me to cast the net wide when looking for help. And when I’m drowning, I accept help from anyone who extends a hand.
1. Recognize the Silver Lining
In Choose Joy: Because Happiness Isn’t Enough, Kay Warren writes, “Life is like a set of parallel train tracks, with joy and sorrow running inseparably throughout our days. At the exact moment you and I are experiencing pain, we are also aware of the sweetness of loving and the beauty still to be found.” It is important that we embrace joy and sorrow simultaneously. Looking from afar, she says, “the two tracks aren’t two at all, but one.” Let us remember the wise words of Solomon: “For everything there is a season” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). The silver lining is this: depression and sadness stays for a season on one track, while hope and gladness runs alongside on the parallel track.
Ah, how I love silver linings.
2. Ask Questions of Yourself
Choosing Hope by Kaitlin Roig-DeBellis offers hope. I appreciate how Kaitlin Roig-DeBellis, the teacher who survived the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, found hope in darkness. She desired to move forward from that terrible event. She asked two questions of herself: “How could she ensure the deeds of a madman did not prevent her from moving forward to live a good life? And how would she regain the sense of control he took from her?” She said these questions led her in everything she did. In the course of time, her sanity returned.
Hope replaces despair. Always.
3. Call a Companion
In Hello New Life I end each chapter with a section called Coaching Corner—fitting since I am a life coach. Humanity reaching out to humanity is the theme of chapter five. I tell my readers to choose a motto that reminds them to reach out in times of loss. When feeling alone, link that feeling to the motto, and then adhere to it at all cost. Mine is, Call a Companion.
My suggestion to you is find your tribe. Talk to the right people, a counselor, a pastor, a life coach, a “shame-resilient” friend as Brené Brown calls it. Above all, you need people on your team who will come alongside you, take you by the hand, and lead you forward. Stay connected. Find your tribe (but I already said this but thought you might want to read it once again.) We are all over the place!
To be healthy we need godly voices mixing with our own. Here’s why: left to itself, the hurting heart grows cold. And cold people aren’t living the life God meant them to live.
In sum, reading is the best antidote I have found to warm the heart in crisis. From reading I learned to look for silver linings, ask hard questions of myself, and reach out. Friends and precious family members always soften the blow.
Check out my list of books that helped me heal from divorce in the resources section of Hello New Life.